As women, we are conditioned to believe that we need a partner to survive. The more I talk and try to understand teenage girls,I see them craving to be in a relationship. Just to clarify, I don’t believe there is anything wrong with aspiring to have a partner. However, I truly believe it is a waste of time to center your life trying to find a “Prince Charming-Cinderella”, ”Romeo-Juliet: or “Raj-Simran” type love story. The amount of time girls spend on chasing boys or relationships is surprisingly more than they spend on their education. I truly don’t blame girls. We were never taught differently. Whether it’s because of watching romantic movies, or believing in fairy tales where the result is always the girl finding love.
Our definition of love is Karan Johar movies, Hollywood rom-coms, and princess fairy tales. We are told that we will find love if we change ourselves to look a certain way, and act a certain way. We are taught to be tall, skinny, fair, have long silky hair, keep our opinions hidden behind our saree pallu, be polite, and etc. Little girls shape themselves to fit into this mold gifted to us by the world. They hide their true personalities and passions just to be like them. Why do they do this? So that they can successfully be in a relationship. This can’t be what women aspire for! Now, let’s think. Who wrote this? These stories are written by men, marketed by men, read by men, and spoken by men. No one asks us what we want to be. As children, we were never really exposed to as many empowering, and career-oriented women. We were never taught differently. These experiences indirectly affect our lives. We consider it our life’s sole goal to get married. We lose our sense of individuality and run after finding the picture perfect husband. However, I want to raise a question to all the girls and women out there.
Is getting married really thatnecessary? Do we really need a partner? As the great Zoya Akhtar wrote in her recent TV show, “Made in Heaven”, “Why is marriage the happiest day of a girl’s life? As if nothing else matters..As if our existence has no value of we don’t get married.” I asked an independent and ambitious girl why she was so obsessed with marriage. She replied saying “No matter how much I try to distract myself from the idea of marriage, the topic still circles my brain..I hear wedding songs and bells and come back to square one.” This led me to thinking that no one really teaches millenials the heavy baggage that comes complimentary with marriage. It’s not all happy emojis and romance. The more I think about it, I realize that since day one, we spend our entire existence trying to fulfill the empty gap in ourselves through finding a partner. Can that gap inside us really be fulfilled by a 20-30 year old person? Our community tells us that marriage will solve everything, but that really can’t be true. How can all the questions of my life be answered by one guy? How can all shortcomings in my life be filled by one guy? Due to the societal pressure and our definition of “love”, we give in to this and end up choosing any guy that wants to marry us.
This is what leads to toxic relationships, unhappy marriages, and etc. The worst part of this is the social stigma against divorce. Even when no we are in toxic relationships, we are told to simply deal with it. Dear reader, I want you to do a quick exercise. Take two minutes to simply breathe. Now, imagine your life without a partner. What are you doing? You could be traveling the world! You are reaching heights in your career! You are simply spending time on improving yourself as a person! As the amazing Kate Chopin says “Oh the joy-that kills.”
Author :- Taarini Dang